Handling It
by hana-to-mame
Summary: Mike has a family emergency and asks for an evening off to deal with it.  But Harvey's harsh words cause him to want more than just an evening away from Pearson Hardman.  Slash.  Mike/Harvey
1. Beaking Point

**Handling It (a Suits fanfiction)**

**Rated: T**

**Pairings: Mike/Harvey**

**Summary: Slash. Mike has a family emergency and asks for an evening off to deal with it. But Harvey's harsh words cause him to want more than just an evening away from Pearson Hardman.**

**A/N: I'm posting this in celebration of going off to college this week! Regular readers know I usually update on Wednesdays, but now that school is starting the schedule may change. But I won't bore you with those details until I figure them out lol. So. I'm a little late to the fandom here. But I was too wrapped up in daydreaming about the sexiness that is Gabriel Macht and Patrick J Adams to actually write anything down. Until now. I hope you enjoy it and I would love if you review :D**

Chapter 1 - Breaking Point (Posted 22 August 2011)

Mike was sitting in his cubicle, going through some paperwork for Harvey when he got the call. He hadn't looked at the number before picking up, so when he heard the voice of his grandmother's nurse on the other end, he turned white as a sheet. And the news she gave him only paralyzed him further.

When the call ended, he wasn't sure what was going on. He almost felt like he was dreaming. It wasn't really happening. He took a deep breath and let it sink in. _Ok_, he thought, _I knew this day would come eventually_. He just hadn't expected it to come so soon. Still, he finished up the paperwork before going to Harvey's office.

"Hey, Donna," he said when he reached the redhead's desk, "I have this file for Harvey."

"Ok. Why are you telling me this?" she asked without looking away from her computer screen.

Mike looked down and stuttered. "I... was hoping you could give them to him."

Donna paused and turned to eye him skeptically. When she saw his pale body shaking nervously she became a bit concerned. "Mike, is there something wrong?"

"Wrong?" he looked up at her. "No, nothing... wrong. Just, um, I kind of need to leave."

"You can't leave. He's got another case for you to start working on as soon as you give him that." she nodded toward the file folders in his hands.

"Right. Ok then. Well, should I just go in, or...?"

"Mike, are you sure there's nothing wrong? You never ask permission to go in his office."

"I just don't feel like starting anything." Mike said quietly.

She lowered her eyebrows and nodded. "Sure, go in. He's waiting for you anyway."

"Okay. Thanks." Mike took another deep breath before opening Harvey's door. He didn't know why he didn't just tell Donna the truth, he knew she'd be listening anyway.

"There you are. I told you I wanted those files a half hour ago." Harvey said. But when he looked up to see Mike standing timidly in the doorway, he was almost shocked to the point of worry.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I got... distracted." Mike closed his eyes, trying to gain the strength to get through this conversation.

"That's no excuse."

"I know." Mike said immediately. "It won't happen again."

"Good, because I need you to-"

"I can't." Mike interjected, making Harvey scowl. "Unless it's something I can do at home."

"What are you talking about?" Harvey questioned bitterly.

"I need to take the rest of the afternoon off, Harvey. I just... I got a call from-"

"If you say 'Trevor' I'm firing you for even thinking about blowing off your job to go save his worthless ass again."

"No." Mike said calmly, though his voice broke a bit. "It wasn't Trevor. It was someone from my grandmother's nursing home."

"If there's an emergency, I'm sure your grandmother wouldn't want you jeopardizing your job to visit her."

"It's a pretty big emergency, Harvey."

"What could possibly be so big that you have to leave in the middle of the day?"

Mike stayed silent. He'd barely admitted it to himself, so saying it out loud was going to be difficult.

"I asked you a question, Mike." Harvey insisted.

"She's gone." Mike answered quickly. It was like ripping off a bandage. It had to be done, and the longer you drew it out the more painful it was. "She died. This morning. Heart attack. I'm not asking for a week off, Harvey, I just need the rest of today. I can't... I can't be here. I can work, I'm not trying to get out of it, I just can't work _here_ right now."

"Are you serious? A grown man has to leave work because his grammy died?"

"Harvey..."

"No. You can mourn your loss after work like everyone else."

"But, Harvey..."

"I mean it." the man scolded. "If you leave this building before the end of the day, I'll consider it your resignation."

"Wow, gee, thanks for being so supporting and understanding." Mike seethed as he threw his files onto Harvey's desk and snatched the new one's from his boss's hand.

"We wouldn't even be having this problem if I would've hired an associate with a stronger stomach."

Without looking at the older man, Mike charged out of the office, not even stopping to nod or wave to Donna on his way out like he usually did.

Not that she was expecting him to after hearing his conversation with Harvey. Although she could see where her boss was coming from, she couldn't help thinking maybe he was being too hard on him this time.

When Mike reached his cubicle, his mind was made up. He opened his messenger bag, shoving the files Harvey had given him along with all the personal items in his desk inside.

**A/N: I'm sorry if that sucked. I can't tell right now since it's like 1 a.m. lol. There's more to come so if you're interested, stick around for chapter two :)**


	2. Opportunity

**A/N: Yay! Finally some down time when I can update some of my fics! I'm so amazingly overwhelmed with the amount of positive feedback I've received from just one chapter. Thank you guys so much and I hope you enjoy the rest of this story! I am no longer going by the summer update schedule, and have yet to determine a new one, so please bear with me for maybe two or three weeks of irregular updates until I figure it out :D  
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Chapter 2 - Opportunity (Posted 27 August 2011)

When Mike got home the first thing he did was crack open the files Harvey had given him. He hadn't been lying when he told him he would work. And even though he quit, he didn't want to leave this last job unfinished. He did it because he was honestly going to miss the job, not because he owed it to Harvey. At least that's what he kept telling himself.

All through the night his mind kept jumping between different thoughts. _I can't believe my gram is gone. There isn't enough evidence to prove this yet, but that person could be a witness. What am I going to do without her? Oh, I didn't read it like that before. I wonder if Harvey will be disappointed in me. I'll be the only one at her funeral. There's no record of where that money went. Trevor isn't even here to offer me any false comfort. I was a liability anyway._

After finishing the last bit of work he'd ever do for the firm, he decided to get some sleep. He needed to let his unrelenting mind rest for a while. Even though he could always be thinking about millions of things at once, the loss of his grandmother was something he just couldn't handle.

X

The next morning as Harvey walked into work, he frowned disappointedly as he saw a certain empty cubicle in his peripheral vision. He continued on to his office and almost walked right past donna.

"What, no 'hello'?" Harvey asked her, knowing she usually had something to say to him every morning. But she gave no indication that she heard him. "Donna, when you see Mike-"

"He dropped this off for you." she handed him a file folder without looking at him.

He took it, confused at both Donna's coldness and the fact that Mike had gotten in before him. He took a peek inside and recognized it as the case he'd given him last night. "Where is he?"

Donna shrugged, still refusing to take her eyes off her computer.

"Well I need to speak with him about leaving early yesterday."

She finally whirled her head around, red hair whipping around her head like a flash flame as she glared at him. "His grandmother is _dead_, Harvey. And all he asked for was an afternoon off to do the rest of his work at home. The rest of those pansy associates out there would have been boo-hooing to their bosses for a paid week off. And you know what? They would deserve it because no one should have to work when something like that happens."

"I knew what I was doing, Donna." Harvey said. "I'm his boss, I couldn't just say 'yeah, sure go home' and send him on his way."

"You told him he'd lose his job if he left."

"How many times have I given him that ultimatum?" Harvey asked her, trying to prove a point. "I never mean it. And he knows that. That kid has quit so many times I bet even _he's_ lost count by now. He always comes back in the end. We have a talk about it, I tell him he has to get his act together, and things go back to normal. That's how it works."

"Not this time, Harvey." she shook her head at him.

"What do you mean 'not this time'? He brought these files in. And look," he pointed to something on her desk, "he even brought you coffee. He's obviously here. I'll go find him and everything will be fine."

"He's not here." Donna told him crossly. "He came in early this morning and asked me to give you those files. Then he handed me the coffee and his _badge_ as he told me he's sorry he won't be bringing me coffee anymore. And then he left. I didn't even have time to say anything witty or ask him what he meant before he was gone. I went to his desk, it's completely empty. All that's left is whatever the company put there before we hired him."

Harvey looked at her and then at the employee badge she held up in her hand, contemplating what to say next. "He'll be back. He always comes back."

"This time is different, and you know it. Leaving your badge and walking out is one thing, if he comes back before his resignation is processed he can still have his job while only suffering minor penalties. But handing in your badge is considered instant termination. And I'm required to either give it to you or Jessica. Now you know that if I give it to her, he's done for good. But if I give it to _you_, you can still fix it. So, what's it gonna be?"

Again, Harvey was almost at a loss for words. "He can't just quit. Not after I put my career on the line for him." He stuck his hand out for Mike's badge, but Donna pulled it out of his reach, earning a scowl from her boss.

"Wrong. Care to try again?" she raised her eyebrows like she was giving him the opportunity to win the grand prize on a game show if he said the right phrase.

"There's lots of work to be done and having my associate quit is bad for my reputation."

Donna simply glared at him, telling him that was incorrect as well.

"What do you want me to say?"

"That you've grown attached to the poor kid don't want to see him throw his life away by giving up on his dream and going back to a life of drugs and loneliness."

Harvey blinked at her, a bit surprised at her sudden forcefulness. He wasn't so much surprised that _she_ was being forceful, but at the fact that she was doing it to protect Mike.

"Or how about that despite the fact that you claim to not care about anyone, you obviously care a lot about him and would rather be able to keep an eye on him twenty four-seven but settle for only doing it at work because you don't want to come off as creepy or caring? Or what about the fact that you've been smiling a hell of a lot more since you hired him and you go out of your way to try and protect him from making bad decisions. Or maybe you'd like to finally admit that you like mentoring him and you feel bad when you let him down because you know you can and should be doing a lot more for him. Face it, Harvey. You screwed up. And if you don't fix it, you're not only going to lose a great associate, you're going to lose a friend."


	3. Phone Call

**A/N: Hello once again my lovely readers! Thank you for your amazing reviews! As a reward, here is the next chapter! I'm thinking about making Fridays my usual update days for the fall, but that's not final yet... I'll let you know, but until then please enjoy chapter three :D**

Chapter 3 - Phone Call (Posted 30 August 2011)

Mike was trying desperately to go back to sleep in his apartment. After he'd dropped off the last of his paperwork, he'd returned home and felt completely drained. But for some reason, his brain wouldn't let him sleep. He just couldn't get comfortable. He tried everything. Different positions. Relaxation techniques. Sleeping on the couch. On the floor. In the tub. Even on the table. And just when he'd been about to doze off on top of a bunch of boxes he'd had to move out of storage years ago because he couldn't afford it, his phone rang.

He looked at the caller I.D. even though he knew right away who it would be. Harvey. Of course. Probably calling to ask why he's late. He didn't want to answer it. But he had to. He had to make it official in his mind, or else there would always be that lingering feeling of unfinished business.

"Hello?" Mike answered shakily.

"You'd better have a damn good reason for not being here right now." Harvey yelled, unable to admit just yet that Mike really had quit.

"I do, actually." Mike tried his best to sound confident, but it only made him come off as nervous and scared. "I don't work for you anymore."

"Come on, Mike, we both know you don't mean that. Get here within the next half hour and we'll forget it even happened. Your pay won't even be docked."

"Um, I don't know if you hit your head or something, but you told me leaving early yesterday would be saying I'm quitting. I left, Harvey. I quit. And I'm not playing around this time."

"You can't quit. I didn't risk my entire career so you could give up when things started to get tough."

"You were probably too busy being a selfish ass to notice, but working for you has been tough from day one." His voice broke, but he had to continue or else he'd feel like even more of a failure. "Look, you said you wanted a stronger associate. I'm just giving you the chance to find one."

"Mike, I didn't mean it like that." Harvey's voice sounded strained.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Because there are so many other ways you could have meant it. You're lying to yourself if say you expected more of me. I have no degree. I may know a lot but that doesn't mean I know how to apply it. I may have done some good things as a lawyer, but I've failed and let you down so many times. I mean do you have any idea how it felt to see the look on your face after I lost the mock trial? And the disappointment in Jessica's eyes literally made me want to throw up. I just have to face the facts. You were right. I'm not Pearson Hardman material. I'm not even lawyer material."

"Mike-"

"Besides, think about how much easier things will be for you now. You can hire someone who won't have to keep asking you stupid questions and won't mess up all the time. You won't be risking your career anymore because you'll actually be hiring someone who went to harvard."

"You need this job, kid." Harvey said.

"Actually, I don't. I don't have any more medical bills to pay. I have enough money pay the last one and for the funeral. After that, the only bill I'll still have is my rent and phone bill and things like that. Plus I'm moving to a smaller apartment now anyway. I only rented this one to be closer to her, but I don't need it anymore. Any minimum wage job would support me now."

Harvey was silent for a moment before continuing. "But being a lawyer is your dream."

"Yeah. And I lived that dream for a while thanks to you. So I guess I owe you one. But I can't do it anymore. I can't face you knowing you wish you'd hired someone else and that I'm taking that dream away from someone who actually deserves it."

"You do deserve it."

"No, I definitely don't. I'm just a stoner kid who fucked his life up and gave up any chance he had at a successful future. I may be a genius but I'm pretty stupid if you really think about it. You gave me a chance and I blew it so many times. You're wasting your time trying to get me to come back. Granted, you're probably only doing it because having your associate quit so soon would look bad on you. But now you don't have to worry about me tarnishing your reputation any further."

"I'm sorry." Harvey finally said. He'd wanted it to be the first thing he told Mike when he picked up the phone. But it was harder than he thought.

"Sure. And I'm the Dalai Lama. Really, Harvey, if they ask me why I quit I won't implicate you at all. It's not your fault. It's mine."

"Mike, would you just shut up for a minute and let me say something?" Harvey insisted loudly. "I don't want you to quit."

"Why? I'm not..."

"You're very good at your job, Mike. I don't know what made you think you don't have the skills to make it here, but you're wrong. Just because you need a little help now and then doesn't mean you're a failure."

"But, Harvey, I-"

"Shh." he bit. "Just listen. I don't regret hiring you. And I'm sorry I was insensitive to you yesterday. I was wrong and I hope you can forgive me. I don't want you to quit. The truth is... I kind of like having you around. And... I'd miss it."

"You would not." Mike said softly. "Harvey, I know what you're doing."

"What do you mean?"

"I've been working with you for months. I know how you operate."

"You don't know everything."

"Even so. I know most of your strategies and tactics. And I recognize this one."

"Oh really?" Harvey asked, clearly wanting an explanation.

"You're against having emotions, not using them. Remember that?"

"Yes, I said that, but-"

"You know, when I first started working for you, I really hated that you didn't care about people. And I thought that maybe by working with you, I could help you. Can you believe that? I actually thought that I, a nobody kid who didn't even go to law school, could help the great Harvey Specter. But you don't need help. You're strong and successful whether you care about people or not. Who am I to say that your way of doing things is wrong? All I'm saying is you're trying to get me to come back by making me think you care about me. But even though I spent my whole time working at Pearson Hardman trying to convince you that you do care, I finally realized now that you really don't. So I'm not going to fall for it. I'm not coming back. I'll be in at the end of the week to pick up my last pay check and then that's it, Harvey. You won't have to put up with me ever again." Mike took the phone away from his ear so he didn't have time to hear Harvey's reply before he hung up. He took a long, deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down. The conversation had really worked him up. But he did it and he was glad it was over.


	4. Last Chance

**A/N: Only 6 reviews last chapter? Was there something wrong with it? You can tell me, I don't bite. Hard, lol. But thank you everyone who did review and I hope I did a better job with this chapter :D**

Chapter 4 - Last Chance (Posted 6 September 2011)

After Mike hung up on Harvey, he tried calling the boy back about a thousand times. He never answered. By the end of the day he was forced to turn Mike's badge over to Jessica. He saw a look of pure surprise in her eyes as he did so.

"Tell me you're giving me this because we spelled his name wrong." she said, shaking her head.

"I think we would have noticed that a lot sooner." Harvey answered, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"What happened?"

"It's my fault." Harvey told her immediately. "He quit because I made him feel like he wasn't doing a good enough job."

"Harvey." she scolded.

"I know. I messed up." He looked away.

"You sure did. Mike was one of our most promising first-years."

"I can fix it." Harvey said.

"He quit for real this time." she said as she looked at the badge. "You can't fix it. We don't make a habit of rehiring people who quit. The only thing you can do is hold interviews again and go in search of a new associate."

Harvey nodded solemnly before heading to exit his boss's office.

"And Harvey," she called after him, "don't drive this one away."

X

The rest of the week passed in a blur. As Harvey tried to put everything together for an interview session. He was on his own with this because Donna refused to help him.

And he was not looking forward to it at all. He thought of the last time, as he screened boring wanabe after boring wanabe until he finally got a wink from Donna as a skinny blonde stumbled into the interview. It would be just like that again, only he was sure he wasn't going to find someone like Mike.

When the end of the week finally came, Harvey was extremely distracted. He pawned all his work off onto the less capable, ass-kissing associates as he waited for Mike to come get his paycheck. The check was in his possession, of course, because that way he would be forced to come see Harvey one last time. But he wondered in passing if maybe the kid would decide not to pick it up, citing the fact that he really didn't deserve the firm's money as a reason even though Harvey guessed he would be trying to avoid certain people as well.

He wanted to give up at the end of the day, telling himself that Mike wasn't coming. But something just wouldn't let him leave. He stayed later than usual, knowing that if he went home he would still be thinking about Mike, so it really didn't matter where he was. So he sat in the front lobby, looking like he was waiting for someone, when sure enough he saw a recognizably too-thin figure walking up to the building.

Mike walked in and clearly didn't notice Harvey sitting in a far corner, watching him walk nervously to the reception desk. He tried to hear what Mike was asking the receptionist even though he guessed he was asking to go pick up his check. And he almost smiled when he saw Mike's look of confusion when she must have told him that Mr. Specter himself was holding it for him. Mike looked down and thanked her before walking in the direction toward Harvey's office.

_So_, Harvey thought, _he's willing to face me after all_. "Mike." Harvey called out, causing said boy to halt and turn around, a frightened look on his face. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the paycheck, handing it out as he walked toward him.

"Why do you have that?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you, but you wouldn't answer your phone."

"Ok. You wanna talk, then talk. But don't take too long, it's getting dark and I don't want to be on my bike this late."

"When is the last time you ate?" Harvey said, taking in Mike's sickly form.

"I have to go." Mike turned and started walking away from him, but Harvey caught him by the sleeve.

"Mike, please..."

"No!" Mike shook him off and stared at him. "Just stop it, okay? My grandmother died, Harvey. The only person who cared about me is _dead_. So don't you talk to me like you care. I don't need that right now. If you pretend to care about me, I just might pretend to believe you, and that wouldn't be good for either of us."

"I'm not pretending." Harvey said quietly.

Mike shook his head in frustration. "Please stop it." His voice was so small and pleading that it made Harvey want to hug the poor kid. But he couldn't. He might be willing to admit to mike that he cared about him a little, but hugging him in public would take away his edge.

That's why he said, "Come back to my place. We really need to talk."

Mike bit his lip and looked at him. He was skeptical.

But skeptical was better than nothing. "Please? Just hear what I have to say. If you don't like it or don't believe me, I won't bother you anymore."

Biting his lip harder, Mike nodded and gained a little bit more trust in Harvey when he saw a small relieved smile creep onto his face.


	5. Long Overdue

**A/N: Hello again! As always, I want to thank you for your amazing reviews and tell you that it completely makes my day to see I got a review, even if it's a bad one. Just knowing someone took the time to comment on something I wrote warms my heart. Anyway, onto chapter 5 :D**

Chapter 5 - Long Overdue (Posted 13 September 2011)

The cab ride back to Harvey's place was mostly silent. Harvey guessed it was because Mike didn't know what to say to him. And since he didn't know what to say himself, he let the silence drag on until the vehicle finally came to a stop.

Mike had been here before, and obviously knew the way around, but still he let Harvey lead him to his door. Once they were inside, Harvey started removing his jacket and putting things away. Then he noticed Mike standing awkwardly at the door.

"You can come in and sit down, you know." Harvey told him. "There aren't any traps. Today." He was glad when his attempt at a joke made Mike chuckle quietly. "Seriously. Sit." he pointed to the couch as he took a seat on the end of it.

Mike sat at the opposite end and faced Harvey. He put his arms in his lap like he was waiting for him to start talking.

Since he was the one who'd insisted on talking, he figured he probably should talk. "I'm sorry."

"So you've said." Mike said disbelievingly.

"I am."

"Why?"

"Because what I did was wrong. I remember what it felt like when my grandmother died. But when it happened I was surrounded by my family, people who cared about her and me and... it wasn't easy but it made it bearable. So I can't imagine what it feels like for you to lose her when she was the only person you thought you had left."

"She was the only person I had left." Mike looked away. "My parents have been dead for as long as I can remember. The only friend I ever really had, or thought I had, was Trevor and he turned out to be a phony. I've got no other family. No friends. So don't even think about giving me the clichéd speech about how there's always someone for you to lean on when things get tough. Like there has to be someone who will be there for you. Because there's not. I'm alone."

"You're not alone."

"The hell I'm not." Mike raised his voice.

"Rachel." Harvey argued.

"Gets annoyed every time I talk to her." Mike refuted.

"Donna."

"Watches out for me _sometimes_ because she'd do anything for you."

"Me."

At this, Mike laughed. But this laugh didn't make Harvey happy. Instead, it almost hurt him. "You? Why would I go to you? Why would you even want me to?"

Harvey just looked at him pointedly. "Because. You made me care."

"What are you trying to pull? I already quit and I know you don't care. Can I go now?"

"No." Harvey told him. "You can't go. You're going to stay here tonight. You're gonna eat something and then you're going to sleep because we need to talk but you look like you could pass out from stress and exhaustion any minute now. And I'm gonna make sure you do all that because I care about you."

"You can't be serious."

"When have I ever not been serious?"

"There were a few times."

"Well I'm being serious now." Harvey insisted. "Not caring wasn't just a façade. But once you entered the picture, it was. More and more I find myself looking after you. And when something goes wrong, I feel guilty even if it was completely your fault because I feel like if I just helped you more you would be better. You're not just my associate. You're not even just my protégé, Mike. You're my friend. At least I hope you still are."

"What?"

"I've said I'm sorry twice now. Are you going to forgive me or must I get down on my hands and knees and beg for mercy?"

"Harvey Specter on his hands and knees? Yeah, that'll be the day." Mike laughed.

Harvey held up his hands in a half shrug and slipped off the couch, kneeling on his knees on the floor.

"You really mean it?" Mike asked. If Harvey was willing to do something like that in order to gain his forgiveness, he had to give it a chance.

Harvey nodded. "I forgot what it's like to have friends. You know... they stab you in the back and leave you high and dry so many times that eventually you just give up and turn into a cold lump that doesn't really give a shit about anyone except himself. I don't want you to turn out like me."

"I don't know what to say..."

"Just say you forgive me."

"I don't want to."

Harvey's face fell further and he tried to think of what to do to get Mike to believe him. "Why not?"

"Do you want an honest answer?"

"Yes."

"I don't know if I can trust you." Mike said softly. "My trust isn't so easy to gain, Harvey. My grandmother was the only person I had complete faith in. And she's gone. Even Trevor, no matter how loyal I was to him or how much I claimed to trust him, I always knew there would come a day when his shit would just all fall on me and then he'd leave me to deal with everything. Maybe that's why I defended him, in hopes that it wouldn't turn out like that. But we all know what happened there. And that's just one tiny glimpse into my life. You have no idea how many people have taken advantage of me or how many times I've been stabbed in the back by the people closest to me. And now you want me to believe that you actually care about me? It's gonna take a lot more than an apology."

Harvey stared at Mike. The kid was being so open and honest, so obviously he was trying to trust Harvey a little bit. But he wasn't sure if it was because he wanted to or because he just didn't have anyone left and was resorting to spilling his guts to the first person who offered him any compassion, not caring to distinguish between true and false. "You're afraid of getting hurt."

"I sound pathetic when you say it out loud."

"You're not pathetic." Harvey said without even thinking about it. _Damn_. The kid really had gotten under his skin. But he didn't want him thinking those kinds of thoughts. Irrational thoughts often led to irrational behavior, and he didn't want Mike to end up hurting himself.

Mike, who'd been looking down, glanced up to meet Harvey's eyes. It was still odd, to see him kneeling on the floor like that, but he looked so honest. And really, what did Harvey have to gain with Mike's forgiveness? "Can I think about it?"

"Of course."

"Okay then. I just... thanks."

Harvey nodded. He was waiting for something to happen. Mike obviously had a tortured past. And with the death of his grandmother, he was sure he would break down. But he was so cool and collected. But Harvey knew he couldn't keep it up for ever. "Sure." He stood up and watched as Mike looked away from him again. "How about some dinner?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You look like you haven't eaten in days."

"And that automatically means I'm hungry?"

"So you admit it then?" Harvey asked even though he knew he was correct.

"Maybe."

"Why?"

"My electricity got turned off, so I can't heat up my instant noodles. And I didn't have the money to eat out or even buy anything that didn't require heating."

"How long has it been since you paid rent?"

"I just missed one month."

"Wait..." Harvey thought about it, "if you have no electricity, how did you go through those files the other night?"

"Flashlight."

Harvey nodded. He should have guessed. "I'm gonna get you your job back."

"I don't want it."

"Yes, you do." Harvey said, seeing right through Mike's lie. "I've been way too hard on you. And I'm sorry. Again. And I promise I'll try to do better, ok? I never liked working with associates, even when I was one they were annoying as hell. But working with you is... different. I like working with you. Will you consider it at least?"

"I guess. But I doubt they'll want to take me back."

Harvey smirked. "Just leave that to me, kid. Now just get comfortable here and I'll see what I have for food."

"Okay." Mike still wasn't looking at him. And it made Harvey worry a little. But he didn't want to push Mike to talk about his feelings too hard. Hell, he didn't want to push _himself_ too hard. He was fairly new to this whole 'caring' thing and he wasn't quite sure how to handle it.

So he walked calmly into his kitchen and looked around. He had a few things he could make for Mike. There wasn't much, since Harvey had the money to eat out or at least have expensive food delivered when he was forced to stay in, but once in a while he liked to indulge in the not-so-fancy things like canned soup and peanut butter on toast. "Well, Mike, I don't really know what you like, but-" Harvey lost his train of thought when he walked back into his living room to see Mike slouching on his sofa, asleep and snoring quietly.

He would have been annoyed, had it been anyone else. But he knew he owed it to Mike to show him he really did care. He was done trying to hide it. At least from him. So he bent down and grabbed Mike's feet, pulling them from the floor and onto the sofa so Mike was laying down. He wasn't too keen on the idea of letting him sleep in his suit, but decided there was nothing to be done about it. He couldn't just wake him up when he seemed to be sleeping so peacefully after what he can only assume had been a sleepless week.


	6. Balcony

**A/N: As usual, I want to thank you for all your wonderful reviews! I really love you guys, you know that, right? Anyway, I hope you're all ready for chapter six!**

Chapter 6 - Balcony (Posted 23 September 2011)

Harvey had gone to sleep worrying about Mike more than he ever had. It made him sick to the stomach. He admitted he cared for the kid but he didn't _want_ to care about him. Caring was a weakness, and Harvey Specter had no weaknesses. But that didn't let him sleep any easier.

He woke up very early the next morning. It was still dark out when he ventured out of his bedroom to check on Mike. He was surprised to find that the boy was no longer occupying his sofa. So where was he?

Just as he was about to start looking for him, something caught his eye out on the balcony. He turned his head to see a figure sitting on the railing looking down at the city below. Taking a deep breath, Harvey walked out there, quietly, so as not to spook him. He stood next to where Mike was sitting and leaned on the railing. "Enjoying the view?"

Mike didn't look at him. "How far up are we?"

"You didn't count the floors?"

Mike shook his head. "Memorizing the layout of your building wasn't exactly a priority of mine."

"Well we're high enough that you really shouldn't be sitting on the railing like that."

"Did you know that a four-story fall is enough to kill you?"

Harvey glanced at Mike. "It all depends on how you land."

"Feet first on concrete would create a force strong enough to leave you dead upon impact."

"People who fall don't usually land on their feet." Harvey didn't like where this seemed to be going.

The corner of Mike's mouth turned up in a dark smirk. "They do if they jump."

"Get off the balcony, Mike." Harvey ordered in a stern but concerned voice.

Mike's grip on the handrail tightened visibly, but he leaned forward just a little, staring down to see what exactly was below him. "I'm planning on it."

"Mike, I swear, if you jump-"

"What?" Mike demanded. "You'll fire me? Too late."

"That's not what I was going to say and you know it."

"Oh yeah." Mike laughed. "Then what were you going to say? Hmm? What did you possibly think you could say that would stop me?"

"Just that... I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know whether to try and catch you before you fell or run outside trying to catch you before you hit the pavement."

"Do you think it would hurt?" Mike asked, changing the subject. Though not by much.

Harvey shrugged, seeing Mike lean back a little so that his body didn't look like the slightest breeze could knock him down. "For a second."

"True. No matter how painful it is, once it's over, I wouldn't feel anything."

"It's a little selfish though, don't you think? Leaving everyone else to clean up the mess."

"So? Not like I could feel guilty about it."

Harvey tried to get a little closer, but flinched back when he saw Mike tip forward again. "You don't want to do this, Mike."

"What makes you think that?"

"The fact that you haven't yet."

"That argument wouldn't hold up in court."

"But this isn't court." Harvey reasoned. "This is your life. You don't have to end it here."

Mike hesitated. "And what happens if I decide not to do it? You tell everyone about it so I can feel even more horrible? Or you hand me over to some psychological clinic and let them turn me into a guinea pig? I don't think so."

"I wouldn't do that."

"You've done worse to plenty of people."

"Those people were my opponents and they all deserved it. I would never do something like that to you."

"What makes me different?"

Harvey took a step closer. Mike made no movement, but Harvey didn't want to risk sending him over the edge. Literally. So he just stood there and kept talking. "You're different because... whether you know it or not... you changed me."

"Into an even colder, more heartless bastard?"

"Yeah. But only indirectly. You care about people, Mike. And believe it or not, I used to too. But I stopped somewhere along the line and to be quite honest, I'm not sure why. But before I knew it I was refusing to care about anyone and I thought that was how I got so successful. But working with you... showed me that I can care and still be successful. More successful, even. And when I do fail, it just gives me that much more motivation to win. _Because_ I care."

Mike finally looked at him. "If you care so much then why have you only seemed to become even more of an ass lately?"

"Because." Harvey looked right into Mike's eyes. That's the best way to communicate with people, he always thought. It let's them know you mean business. "I've been like this for so long that... I got a little scared when I started to care about my clients. And I got even more scared when I started caring about you. I don't think you realize how... attached I've become to you, Mike. But people do irrational things when they're scared. I couldn't just all of a sudden start acting like I gave a damn about anything. Especially about an associate. Partly because of wanting to protect my image, but mostly because I just didn't know how. So in order to make sure no one knew what was happening, I started trying really hard to cover up. But I tried way too hard because soon I went from being uncaring to just downright mean. And I didn't know how to stop it."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Yes it does."

"It makes a little sense." Mike admitted. "But that doesn't mean I'm any less worthless."

"You weren't worthless to begin with. Well, honestly, maybe you were when I first met you. Getting high and selling pot when you have a brain like that? But you did something about it. You're not worthless, Mike. Not at all. And if there's one thing I hate saying, it's 'I'm sorry' but I'll say it as many times as I have to to get you to believe me."

"I just don't get it." Finally, a few tears leaked from the corners of Mike's eyes as he squeezed them shut and looked away. Harvey knew the tears would be coming, he just didn't know when. He didn't like the fact that they came now, of all times, when Mike was threatening to fling himself off a balcony at the top of one of the tallest apartment buildings in the city, but he was glad they finally came. That Mike was finally expressing the pain Harvey knew he was feeling. "Why did this happen to me? First my parents died. I was just a kid, Harvey. And then my grandmother... she worked so hard to take care of me and... I did my best to get her the care she needed but... but now she's gone anyway and now I'm just so confused. How am I supposed to look at you and believe you really care about me when you've spent every second trying to convince me that you don't?"

"You have to trust me, Mike." Harvey said. "I'm not doing this to hurt you. I swear. Besides, I'd never forgive you."

"Forgive _me_?" Mike spat back loudly. "For what?"

"For coming into my life and turning everything upside down and then just leaving me to deal with it on my own. For digging your way under my skin and then ducking out right as I start to realize I might have found someone I can be close to. And for making me feel guilty, like I was the one who drove you to this."

"So this is just about you."

"If that's what you want to believe." Harvey sighed.

"I don't know what to believe anymore."

"You can believe in me." Harvey suggested. "Just believe that I meant it every time I apologized to you and that I just want to help you. And that after this, even if you don't become my associate again, I'll still care about you."

Mike nodded, almost letting Harvey breathe a sigh of relief. Until Mike said, "I'm sorry. I just can't."

Harvey's eyes widened and his entire body went cold as he watched as Mike leaned forward and let go of the handrail.


	7. Grief

**A/N: Did you all enjoy the cliffhanger? I was going to wait until the weekend to update, but you've given me so many reviews that I just had to give you this! Also, have you all read my new Suits oneshot **_**Red Paper Bag**_**? I'd really appreciate some more reviews, if you could find it in your heart to give me some :) And one last thing, I recently injured my pinkie finger, so typing has become a tad difficult. But I'm going to keep updating because you guys motivate me!**

Chapter 7 - Grief (Posted 26 September 2011)

Mike was ready to feel the wind woosh by him, given that he'd just jumped off of Harvey's balcony. He was not ready to feel a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist as he was pulled backwards. He fell back with a soft thud, since instead of colliding with the hard pavement he found himself laying on his back on top of Harvey.

"You bastard." Mike said hollowly.

Harvey gave a relieved yet cocky chuckle. "You think I'd actually let you jump?"

Mike let his head lull back, resting on Harvey's shoulder. "I was counting on it."

Harvey sat them up and kept his arms tight around Mike's middle, like he was afraid to let go of him. "I had no intention of letting you jump off that railing."

"It would have made your life a lot easier."

"How do you figure?" Harvey's mouth was right at Mike's ear, his hot breath blowing against Mike's sensitive skin.

"Well if I've been making things hard for you, with me gone it would have gotten easier."

"It doesn't work like that." Harvey shook his head. "With you gone, I would still care. I'd still be dealing with this. Without you. And I'd miss you."

"Miss me?"

"That's what I said." Harvey waited for Mike to reply. But when he didn't, he knew what he was thinking. "You still think I don't care about you."

Mike took a deep breath. "I'm not so sure now."

Harvey's arms tightened even more. "That's a start."

"I still need a little more convincing."

"I've been trying to coax you down from there for twenty minutes. And I just saved you from making the worst decision of your life."

"I made the decision. You just caught me before we saw the result."

"Same thing. Either way, I saved you. And here I sit, practically crushing you because I'm afraid that if I let you go, you'll just try to jump again. And you still don't believe me."

"You have to see where I'm coming from though." Mike's voice broke as he took in the city from a whole new angle. "You're this... amazing person who everyone respects and idolizes. Even the people who hate you regard you as an extraordinary person. And every day you did your best to slip some kind of I-don't-care-about-anyone-but-myself speech into our conversations. And all of a sudden you're telling me I... melted your frozen heart."

"I didn't phrase it quite like that, but, I suppose you've got the gist of it."

"You're gonna have to give me some time to get used to this."

"I can do that."

"And I can't promise you I'll ever believe you."

"As long as you're willing to give me a second chance. Even though I hardly deserve it. But I'm going to do my best to make sure you don't regret it."

"Okay."

Harvey gave a tiny smile. "And I want you to talk to me. Whenever you need to. Even if it's interrupting work, if you need to talk, you come to me right away. I might not always know what to say, and I might get impatient but that doesn't mean I don't care about you."

"I don't want to bug you."

"You're not bugging me if I want you to do it. Promise me you'll at least talk to someone."

"What are you going to do if I don't?"

"Nothing. I can't force you. But I'd like to not be worried every time you leave my sight."

Mike sighed, giving in. "Fine. I'll talk to you. But only because I'm afraid I might literally explode if I don't."

Harvey was about to respond when he felt Mike's stomach rumble violently. "Good. But how about we get some breakfast first?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Your stomach would say otherwise."

"You don't understand. I'm hungry... but I have no appetite. The thought of eating just... makes me feel sick."

Harvey nodded against him. "That'll change once you actually have some food in there. I'm trying to prove myself here, but I can't do that unless you let me."

"Alright. I'll eat. But not too much. I don't want to puke on you or anything in your fancy apartment."

"I appreciate that."


	8. Tears And Smiles

**A/N: So chapter 7 was a bit of a flop, I see... maybe chapter 8 will be more review-worthy?**

Chapter 8 - Tears And Smiles (Posted 1 October 2011)

"It's gonna get cold." Harvey said as he pointed to Mike's plate of eggs.

"I still can't believe you eat scrambled eggs. Much less cook them."

Harvey smirked. "I'm Harvey Specter. A man of many talents."

Mike couldn't contain the tiny smile that spread across his face. "Thank you."

Harvey looked up at him with curious eyes. "For?"

"This. Breakfast. And... last night."

"Don't worry about it."

"Can I tell you something?"

"I told you you can always talk to me."

Mike nodded. "I really wanted to jump."

"I know."

"I still want to."

Harvey just looked at him, unsure of how to respond.

"And if you help me reach a point where... I don't feel like that anymore... I'll believe you."

"Is that a challenge?"

"You can think of it that way. I really want to believe you, Harvey. You have no idea how much I... want you to care about me. And I hate to put you through this, but I just... can't..."

"I know, kid." Harvey said, trying his best to understand. "You've had a lot of shit happen to you and you never really had a chance to deal with it. I get that. All I can do is prove that I'm here for you and hope for the best."

"I should go home."

"I don't think so." Harvey disagreed. "You're not going anywhere where I can't keep an eye on you."

"What?"

"As if I'd let you run around New York in your condition. I'm not an idiot, Mike. I'm not going to let you go home so you can jump out a window."

"I was picturing the roof, actually..."

"Mike." Harvey said, disappointed.

"Can we change the subject please?"

"Sure. I have a feeling we'll revisit that topic soon anyway." Harvey mumbled. "When is your grandmother's funeral?"

"Monday morning." Mike answered solemnly. "It's not really a funeral so much as a spiritual blessing ceremony. I couldn't afford to rent a funeral parlor and all that, plus she didn't want a big thing made out of it. She was cremated, so I have a priest coming to say a prayer while we scatter some of her ashes over Grampa's grave and then the urn will be buried beside him. I don't necessarily believe in the same things she did, but this is what she wanted so I wouldn't disrespect her by doing anything else."

"I'll come with you."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to." Harvey insisted. "I want to be there."

Mike bit his lip. "Thanks, but-"

"Whatever you're going to say, don't." Harvey warned playfully. "I want to pay my respects to the woman who raised you. I'm going and that's the end of it."

"What about work?"

"Not a problem. I'll have Donna rearrange things. She might want to come with as well."

"Why would she want to be there?"

Harvey smirked. "Contrary to what you believe, Donna watches out for you because she likes you, not because she's supposed to. The same with Rachel. She doesn't just help you because it's her job. Do you think she'd do half the running around she does for you for any of the other associates? Don't get me wrong, she always does a great job, but she goes the extra mile for you. You've got plenty of people who care about you, Mike. Even Jessica was disappointed when I handed in your badge."

"Really?"

"That's not something I would lie about. And trust me, I'm gonna get your job back, okay? It might take some convincing, but trust me, it'll work out."

"I don't really need the job, Harvey."

"But you want it. And that's something that sets you apart from other people. You like what you do. And you're good at it. And I need my associate back."

Mike looked at him. "You know we never really talked about what would happen if I got caught."

"You're not gonna get caught."

"You can't just say that and expect it to appease me." Mike said.

"You'd be fired." Harvey said simply.

"I know that." Mike said, frustrated. "But what would happen to me? I'd lose my job, I can handle that. I've lost jobs before. But would I face jail time? Would I have like a black mark on my record? Would I ever be able to work again? As a lawyer or even as a bus boy or a custodian or anything?"

Harvey stared at him for a moment before answering. Honestly. "You definitely wouldn't be able to work as a lawyer ever again. Even if you went to school, you'd always have that stigma hanging over your head."

"I guess I knew that." Mike said dejectedly.

"But that wouldn't necessarily limit your chances at getting minimum wage jobs if they needed someone badly."

"At least I have that to look forward to."

"But I won't let that happen to you." Harvey said with serious eyes. "I'll do everything in my power to make sure no one finds out you didn't go to Harvard. And on the impossible chance that someone does find out, I won't let you work in some rundown gas station somewhere in the middle of nowhere for two dollars an hour."

Mike blinked. "That'll probably be my only option. Not that I really care, as long as I can buy instant noodles. I could heat them up at work. I really don't have to eat that often. But I don't know where I'd sleep..."

"Mike," Harvey reached out and put a hand on Mike's shoulder, "you don't have to worry about that. I'll get your job back and you're _not_ going to get fired. I promise."

"How can you make a promise like that?"

Harvey looked at him like he'd just asked the most ridiculous question in the world. "I'm Harvey Specter."

To Harvey's surprise (and relief), Mike cracked a tiny smile and gave the smallest chuckle. "I should have guessed."

"I mean it." Harvey told him. "And you're not going back to that stinky, cramped apartment either."

"I know. I told you I got another one." Mike said.

Harvey shook his head. "You're not going there either."

Mike raised an eyebrow at him. "You want me to live on the streets?"

"Why do you not seem too worried about that?"

Mike bit his lip and looked away.

Sensing a difficult subject, Harvey tried a more let-them-come-to-you approach. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

The younger man looked over at him with confusion in his eyes, reading him as if to gauge how much he could trust him. How much he wanted to trust him. "I've been homeless before, Harvey. I can handle living on the streets if I have to."

"You don't have to." Harvey said immediately. "You definitely won't have to live on the streets. But you are not going to live in some shitty apartment with no electricity."

"I can't afford anything else." Mike slumped and took a sip of his juice.

Harvey offered a solution before thinking about it. "Stay here."

Mike sputtered and felt juice dribble down his chin. He slowly wiped it away with a napkin and stared at Harvey with wide eyes. "Stay... _here_?"

"Yes." Harvey said with a small smirk.

"With... you?"

"And my maid on Sunday afternoons."

"I can't."

"Why not?" Harvey asked, daring Mike to give him a reason.

"I'd never be able to pay any rent." Mike said blankly.

Harvey chuckled. "Did I say anything about rent?"

Mike looked stunned, like a deer in the headlights. "Well, I... uh..."

Fearing he'd just backed Mike into a very uncomfortable corner, Harvey wanted to back off. But he realized that his first instinct was an act of self-preservation, not an act of Mike-preservation, which was his ultimate goal right now. So instead he chose to try and push him a little further by moving his hand from Mike's shoulder and laying it on top of Mike's hand on the counter. The younger man looked directly into Harvey's eyes, looking at that moment like a frightened little kid. "Just listen to me, Mike. I don't want you working a low-end job so you can afford a gross apartment. I don't. Eventually, if you insist, maybe I'll think about letting you out on your own, but right now you're just too... fragile. And I want you here. With me, so I can keep an eye on you."

X

"You really don't have to be there, Harvey." Mike told him Monday morning. He was in the car with his former-and-maybe-future boss being driven by Ray to his grandmother's funeral.

"I told you, I want to be there." Harvey said, looking out the window.

"And _I_ told _you_ that I wanted to be alone."

"No you didn't." Harvey looked at him. "If you would have said that, I would have considered letting you go by yourself. You said I didn't have to go, and you said it in a way that clearly said you _didn't_ want to be alone. And I don't want you to be alone whether you want it or not, so all this is moot anyway."

Mike just stared at him, lips pursed in a disapproving yet thoughtful pose. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why don't you want me to be alone?"

"Haven't you been listening to me at all these past few days? Everything I've done for you is because I care about you. I've fed you, let you sleep on my sofa, let you watch television when there was a game on. And I didn't even have to think about whether I wanted to or not because my first thoughts have always been about what you need."

"You locked all the windows and the medicine cabinet. You told your cleaning lady that she has to use organic, non-toxic supplies from now on. And you threw out all your scissors and sharp knives."

"Precautions." Harvey stated.

"I'm not a child, Harvey." Mike argued.

"No, you're just suicidal." Harvey glared at him.

Mike crossed his arms and sat back, leaning as far away from Harvey as he could.

Harvey chuckled at the expression on Mike's face. He could tell the kid was trying to come off as cross, but just ended up looking like a pouty toddler. So he scooted over closer to Mike and wrapped a protective arm around his shoulders.

"What are you doing?" Mike asked, looking away from him.

"I'm not quite sure." He pulled Mike a little closer and looked at him, as if he expected to be able to force Mike to turn his head and face him.

Apparently it worked, because Mike cautiously glanced over at Harvey. "Well stop."

Harvey shook his head. "You say that, but I don't think you mean it."

"If you do care about me, you'll listen to me."

"I've done nothing but listen to you."

"Why do you keep doing this?" Mike whined. "Why do you insist on treating me like I can't take care of myself?"

"Because you can't." Harvey told him. "You can't take care of yourself, Mike. Your grandmother took you in, but that didn't save you from having to become independent at an early age. So now that you've lost her, you've not only developed this sense of guilt and self-hatred, you've reverted to an almost child-like mindset where you don't know who to trust but you're desperate to be in someone's care because you just don't know how to fend for yourself anymore."

"Pfft." Mike looked away again. "So all of a sudden you're a psychologist?"

"No. I may be a lawyer, but that doesn't mean I haven't dealt with people in similar situations. I've learned a thing or two about how the brain works, and even though yours is different, you're still a human just like everyone else."

"Don't act like you know me, Harvey."

"That's just the thing." Harvey said, squeezing Mike's shoulder. "I know a lot about you. But I don't know all of it. I don't know your whole past, and I don't really know much about what's going on in your life right now. But I want to."

"Why?"

"Is that your new favorite word?"

Mike shrugged, hoping both to end the conversation and get Harvey to remove his arm from around him. It didn't work. "I just want to know why you've suddenly taken an interest in me."

"I liked working with you, Mike. A lot. Having you around was... a difficult experience, with all the emotions that came with it. But that doesn't mean it wasn't worth it. And I didn't realize how much you meant to me until you were gone. When Donna told me you'd handed in your badge..."

"Donna?"" Mike asked suddenly.

"Yes. That morning... she was very angry with me." Harvey chuckled. "She told me you'd quit. For real. And I just... I didn't believe it at first. I didn't want to believe that I'd lost you completely."

"So this isn't about me." Mike thought he had it all figured out. "This is about giving Donna what she wants."

"What? Of course not. It's not like that at all."

"Really? So it was Donna who made you realize that you actually liked me? And let me guess, she threatened to not do any work until you made it up to me. And you're only doing this because of that."

"That is _not_ true." Harvey said with intense eyes, locking on Mike's and vowing not to look away until he stared some sense into the kid. He tightened the arm around Mike's shoulders and use the other to reach out and grasp one of Mike's hands. To his surprise, Mike squeezed his hand around Harvey's like he was holding on for his life.

And from that point, it was like a damn had broken. Mike laid his head on Harvey's chest and just began bawling. He clung to Harvey's clothes and cried violently against him, staining one of his best suits. But Harvey didn't even flinch. He simply moved his hands away at first, not knowing what to do with them, until he settled on enveloping Mike within them like they were a magical forcefield that could both protect and soothe anyone inside.

Seeing Mike cry like this tugged at something deep inside Harvey. He knew the kid still had a lot of pain locked up inside him, and he had to expel it soon or else he might never feel better. He'd let out a few tears in the past few days, but nothing like this.

"I miss her, Harvey." Mike choked against Harvey's chest.

Harvey ran a confident hand through Mike's hair. "I know, kid. Just let it out."

"I'm sorry, I just..."

"Come on." Harvey shushed him gently. "You need this. You can't expect the bad feelings to go away if you keep them bottled up inside of you and refuse to express them."

"I hate crying."

"I know the feeling. But that doesn't mean it's something you shouldn't do."

"But... your suit..." Mike tried to pull away, but Harvey's arms held him there.

"It's already ruined. No use getting upset about it now."

"Are you really Harvey?"

"I was just wondering the same thing."

"Seriously." Mike scolded him, though his voice was muffled and shaky. "Why are you so different?"

"You're the one with eidetic memory. You tell me. I've only said it a hundred times."

"Twenty six." Mike corrected him with a whisper.

"What was that?"

"You said it twenty six times. Twenty seven if you count saying it in your sleep."

"There you go. Wait... in my sleep?"

Mike nodded against him, not looking up to meet the eyes he knew were staring down at him and expecting an explanation. "I was watching you."

"When?"

"This morning before you woke up."

"Now it's my turn to ask. Why?"

"I was... scared. I had a nightmare and I wanted to see if you were awake. And when I saw you were still sleeping, I was going to go back out to the living room, but then you said my name... and I thought you'd woken up. So I turned around and your eyes were still closed. And you looked... just... really peaceful. You were almost smiling. Not your I-just-beat-Louis smile or your they-got-what-they-deserved smile. Just an I'm-really-happy-right-now smile."

"It was a good dream."

Mike sniffed a few times as the flow of tears came to a stop. "What was it?"

"Can't you guess?" Harvey asked. But Mike didn't answer. "What did I say in my sleep, Mike?"

"You said my name."

"I think I said a little more than that."

"You said 'I do care.'"

"And you still can't figure out what I was dreaming?" Harvey smirked. He knew Mike was just trying to process it all. "You were better, Mike. You believed me and you weren't trying to kill yourself anymore. And I smiled at you."

Mike finally looked up at Harvey. "That smile was... for me?"

Harvey nodded, a trace of that smile twitching on his lips. "It sure was."

"But..." Mike's eyes were wide and still teary as he silently begged for some kind of assurance that this was real.

"Mike," Harvey interrupted him when the car came to a stop, "we're here."


	9. Different Kinds

**A/N: Anyone who has been kicked out of your parents' house, I feel for you. It's not fun. But in order to combat my frustration I pumped out this little chapter. The good stuff starts in chapter 10, hope you're ready for it :D**

Chapter 9 - Different Kinds (Posted 7 October 2011)

"I'm not ready for this." Mike said as Harvey helped him out of the car.

"Nobody is ever ready for something like this."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"Yes." Harvey answered simply. He made a face that clearly told Mike he was trying his hardest to get him through this.

It almost made Mike want to accept his apology. Almost. "Oh," was all he replied. He began walking over to where the ceremony was to be held when he felt a hand on his back. He looked to his left and saw Harvey there. It was his hand comforting and guiding him. And, if he wasn't mistaken, it felt almost protective as well.

They approached a tree under which a priest was standing, holding a Bible and a medium satchel. There were two women standing with him.

Donna and Rachel.

When they reached the women, they stepped forward without hesitation and hugged Mike.

"I'm so sorry, Mike." Rachel said with tears in her eyes.

"What are you guys doing here?" Mike asked them.

"We're here to support you, silly." Rachel said.

"We wanted to see how you're holding up." Donna told him.

"I'm fine." Mike said almost mechanically. He looked away from them and walked over to the priest.

"He's not fine." Harvey disagreed, watching as Mike walked away. "Thank you both for coming. He appreciates it, he just doesn't know how to accept the fact that we're all here for him."

"I wonder who's fault that is." Donna raised her eyebrows.

"I'm doing my best." Harvey reasoned. "I know, I need to do better. I just don't know what to say to him. He won't really talk that much. And some of the things he says... I'm afraid for him. I don't know if anyone can bring him back."

"Maybe talking isn't the answer." Rachel suggested.

"I don't know what else to do."

"I'm sure you'll figure something out."

"I hope so."

"I'm going to see if he needs anything." Rachel then said, excusing herself and walking over to Mike.

Donna stepped toward Harvey and spoke to him. "Why are you afraid for him?"

"I can't tell you."

Donna looked a little shocked. Harvey told her everything. "And why not?"

"Because I'm trying to get him to trust me. If I tell you, I'm violating that trust before I even have it."

"Harvey, I want to help him. No one will find out you told me..."

"But I'll know, Donna." Harvey told her with a steady voice. "I can't tell you. I don't just want him to trust me, I want him to be _able_ to trust me. I'm not telling anyone until he gives me permission or it gets to a point where I know I can't reach him. And even then, it'll be a professional."

"I knew you cared about the kid."

"So?"

"So," she stared at him, "I'm glad you're finally admitting it."

"He doesn't believe me though."

"Well that's because you're lying."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm not lying to him."

"I didn't say you were lying to him."

"Who, then?" Harvey raised his eyebrow at her, though he had a hunch he knew what she was going to say.

"You really have to ask?" She asked him, receiving silence in return. "Yourself, Harvey. You're lying to yourself about caring about Mike."

He huffed, frustrated by everyone's inability to believe he cared. "I am not. I honestly..."

"I know. I know you care. But... Harvey you're showing the wrong kind of caring."

"The wrong kind? There are _kinds_ of caring?"

Donna almost laughed. "Admit it, you and Mike have been friends ever since you saved him from living a life of crime and drugs. And you've been caring about him, but trying your hardest not to show it. That wouldn't happen because of someone you considered just your friend. Your family members wouldn't cause you to act like that. Your loyalty to me and Ray wouldn't do that to you. But when a sweet, eager little pup shows to be your new associate, you're suddenly unable to control yourself."

"What are you getting at?"

"You didn't need Mike before you met him. But now that you have... being without him is painful for you, isn't it?"

"The kid does good work." Harvey shrugged.

Donna's eyes almost turned pitying as she looked at him. "Harvey."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"Of course I do. I'm a man, a man with lot's of experience in the world. Trust me, I know."

"Okay. So what are you going to do about it?"

"Now that... that I don't know." He shook his head and sent a glance toward Mike, who was conversing with Rachel.

"Everything is going to work out. Both of you just need time to adjust. You need time to come to terms with your feelings, and he needs time to see that, even though his grandmother is gone, he still has all of us as his family."

"You don't think he'll need time to adjust to me?"

Donna smiled knowingly. "No. I'm sure that once he knows you care, he'll get used to it fairly quickly."

"Thanks."

"Guys," Mike said quietly, suddenly next to them, "it's time to start."


	10. The Office

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I'm not getting as many as I was, but I appreciate the ones I am getting, so thank you everyone who takes the time to read and review and all that. I love all of you, even if you don't review :D**

Chapter10-TheOffice (Posted 23 October 2011)

"And may her soul forever rest in peace," the priest said as the last bit of dirt was replaced over Mike's grandmother's urn.

At some point throughout the ceremony, Harvey's arm had wrapped around Mike's waist. So when the younger man began to cry, it was no trouble for Harvey to complete the hug by pulling him closer and draping the other arm loosely around him. He nodded to the priest, dismissing him.

"We'll see you around, Mike." Rachel said, hugging him when he was finally released by Harvey. "If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can call me."

"Thanks." Mike said, a small but honest smile reaching his lips.

"And me." Donna said. "We're all here for you, Mike. I hope you know that." She patted his cheek as if he were a helpless child before she and Rachel walked away, leaving Mike and Harvey standing there alone.

Mike felt Harvey's hand on his lower back. It'd become a common thing for him to do in the time Mike had been staying with him. At first it made him uncomfortable, but now he was almost expecting it.

"You okay?" Harvey asked.

Mike took a deep breath as he stared at his grandparents' grave. "I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't know. I... I just feel so bad right now but... I don't feel like myself. I don't know how I can be so full of sadness and guilt and... just bad things in general and also be feeling some kind of... calmness. I don't feel good but... I feel something good, even though everything is bad."

"Not everything is bad, Mike."

"What part of all this is good?" Mike asked, looking up into Harvey's eyes as if they held the answer.

"That you have people who care about you, people who are supporting you and want you to be okay. Even if you don't believe I'm one of those people, you can't deny Rachel and Donna."

"Why is everything so confusing?" Mike leaned into Harvey, resting his forehead against the man's chest.

"I wish I knew the answer to that." Harvey answered, running his fingers through Mike's hair. "But I don't. Sorry."

"It's alright."

Harvey's breath caught in his throat. "What was that?"

"I said it's alright. I don't want you to be sorry anymore, Harvey."

"Does this mean you forgive me?"

"I don't know. I hate seeing that look on your face. Like you've lost something. But I don't... I still... I just don't want to be here anymore. I mean... you've done so much for me in just the past few days. Put up with my crying and whining. Fed me. Watched out for me. Even saved my life, which regardless of whether I wanted to be saved or not is more than I ever expected from you."

"I did all that because I care about you."

"I know. I know you say that... but it's so hard to believe. But I _want_ to believe it. I really want to. Because _I_ care about_you_, you know. And to have you care back..."

"Mike..." Harvey put one hand on Mike's hip and used the other to lift his chin. "You don't know how badly I want you to believe me."

"Harvey..."

"Just listen to me." Harvey pled softly. "I have to tell you something. It might not change your mind, but it could. But I can't tell you yet, and not here."

"What? Why not?"

"Well, for one I have to get back to work in an hour. I tried to reschedule my afternoon appointments, but there were a few urgent matters..."

"It's fine. I'll just go back to your place and..."

"Nope." Harvey interrupted him, grabbing his wrist gently and pulling him toward where Ray was waiting for them. "You're coming to work with me."

"Coming with you? But... I don't work there anymore."

"That's another thing we'll need to talk about. But like I said, this isn't the place for such a conversation. We'll talk at home, okay?"

Mike simply nodded when Harvey looked back at him.

The ride back to Harvey's place was mostly silent, save a few sniffles from Mike, to which Harvey responded by squeezing the hand he'd somehow ended up holding. Not that he minded, of course.

X

"It's a simple yes-or-no question, Mike." harvey explained, trying to remain calm. "Do you want to come back to work with me or not?"

"I don't _know_!" Mike whined.

"Do you like working with me?"

"Well, yeah..."

"Then come back Please?"

Mike stared, almost unable to believe Harvey had just asked him to _please_ go back to work with him. "Okay..." He didn't miss the smile that spread across Harvey's face. "But I don't know how you're going to get them to give me my job back. Jessica doesn't seem like the kind of person who would want to give a job back to someone who quit."

"Exactly," Harvey said, a sneaky smirk replacing his smile.

X

Jessica shook her head, looking pissed off and more than a little amused at the same time. "I must admit, Harvey, I knew you liked the kid but I never thought you would go to such lengths just to get his job back."

Harvey's smirk was full of pride this time as he explained, "So, what's it going to be? Let him come back to work, or face a law suit for failing to give him grieving time after the loss of a family member?"

"Who would represent him in this case?"

"I would, of course," Harvey announced.

"You?" Both Jessica and Mike asked, surprised.

"Yes. Who else could I trust with something as important as this?"

Jessica glowered at him. "You do realize you'd be going up against Pearson-Hardman, the firm that made you what you are."

"I do. And if that's a problem, I'm sure there are plenty of other firms out there who would love to have Harvey Specter on their team."

"You'd really give up everything you have here? For him?" Jessica nodded towards Mike, who was feeling anxious.

Harvey looked over at him, appearing to take some time to consider his answer. But Mike could see in his eyes that he'd already made his decision. "Yes. I would."

"You can't sue us, Harvey." Jessica said, a hint of regret in her voice. "He quit, we didn't fire him."

"Yeah we did. I did. I told him if he left, he wouldn't have a job anymore. I didn't give him a choice, I forced him to quit. And I was wrong. But since I was acting on behalf of the firm-"

Jessica held up a hand. Not in defeat, Jessica Pearson was never defeated, but it was obvious she was giving Harvey what he wanted. "Fine. Welcome back to the team, Mike. You can start tomorrow."

Mike's jaw dropped. "For real?"

Jessica nodded. "I don't want to lose Harvey, but in all honesty, I wasn't very happy to lose you either. You may be just an associate, but you have a bright future ahead of you and I'm happy to accept you back now that I know the circumstances. But be aware that I'm not a fan of quitters, so if it happens again..."

"I understand." Mike smiled. "Thank you so much. I have to say, I was actually starting to miss my cubicle," he said as he and Harvey stood and left Jessica's office.

"Cubicle? No way." Harvey shook his head.

"What?"

"You're not going back to your cubicle."

"So... what, I'm supposed to do my work on the floor? Wait, that actually doesn't sound that bad. Lot's of space to spread out the files I'm working on, not having to worry about the person next to me kicking the divider..."

"As if I'd make you work on the floor."

"Supply closet, then? Still more room than a cubicle. Or maybe in a bathroom stall in the men's room down that little hall that, even though there's no official rule, is reserved for puking and particularly large shits..."

Harvey almost laughed at Mike's seriousness. "You're going to stay in my office," he explained as they reached said room.

"Yeah, because I have no where else to go for the rest of today. But what about tomorrow, when I actually have work to do?"

"I told you, you'll share my office with me."

"...What?" Mike was clearly confused.

"I put in a work order to have another desk set up in here for you."

"When did you do this?"

"This morning before we left."

Mike stared at him. "But... how did you know I'd..."

"I didn't. I just wanted to be ready in case you did want to come back. It'll be here tomorrow afternoon. So you might actually have to work on the floor for a bit..."

Mike laughed a little and caught the small smile on Harvey's face. "Why are you sharing your office with me? Seems like kind of a strange thing to... oh... I get it. This way you can keep your eye on me."

"That's part of it. I hope you know I'm not trying to make you feel restricted or anything. I really just want to be able to watch out for you. I don't want the other associates hassling you and I don't want Louis giving you piles of work simply because he hates me."

"Okay," Mike said, giving up. He could tell he wasn't going to have any say in the matter. "What should I do until it's time to leave?"

"Here." Harvey reached into his briefcase and handed Mike a thick novel. "Memorize this."

"Pssht." Mike scoffed at the lengths. "I'll have this done in no time."

"Well, get to it. If you finish it before I'm done with everything, take a nap or something."

"Yeah, sleeping at work. That'll look good."

"You only start tomorrow," Harvey reminded him. "Get some sleep if you want to."

"Eh." Mike shrugged, sitting down on Harvey's couch and opening the book. _Rocket__Boys_, by Homer Hickam, Jr.. It was one he'd never read. He saw Harvey eye him every once in a while as he paged through the book, memorizing every word. He had it finished in a little over an hour. Since he still had a lot of time to kill, he took Harvey's advice and stretched out on of sofa. He wasn't really tired, so when he closed his eyes he expected to just lay there, wide awake. But within a few minutes, he could feel sleep threaten to take over. And as he drifted off, he swore he heard an amused chuckle, but passed it off as a sleepy delusion.


	11. Sleep

**A/N: I am so sorry for taking so long to update this! I've been experiencing a horrible migraine for like two weeks, and that coupled with a lack of inspiration made it difficult to update anything really. But now I'm back, with some ideas for all my stories, and I hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 11 - Sleep (Posted 10 November 2011)

Mike's eyes fluttered open, his blurred vision clearing to reveal his boss smirking down at him.

"I was wondering when you would wake up," Harvey said, extending a hand to help Mike off the couch.

Mike took the hand, noticing how gentle Harvey's touch was. "How long have I been asleep?"

"All afternoon."

This caused Mike to notice the dark sky as he looked out Harvey's windows. "Wow. Sorry."

Harvey shook his head, their hands still joined between them. "Don't be sorry. You needed the rest, I'm glad you were able to get some peaceful sleep after all the tossing and turning you do on my couch."

"How do you know I toss and turn?"

"Because I check on you."

Mike stared at him with wide eyes. "You do?"

Harvey nodded. "Three or four times a night."

"But... you need to sleep too..."

"I get a good night's sleep pretty much every night, Mike. Waking up every few hours to make sure you're alright is nothing to be concerned about."

"Thanks." Mike gave a little bewildered smile.

Harvey mirrored the expression, adding a hint of triumph as he said, "You're welcome. Now," he finally let go of Mike's hand, catching him blush as he glanced down, "let's go home."

X

"No," Harvey said into the phone in his bedroom, "I haven't told him."

"Don't tell me you've gotten shy," Donna's voice responded.

"It's not shyness, Donna. I'm just... being careful. He's had so much happen to him lately, I don't want to give him more than he can handle."

"Are you sure you're not just afraid of being rejected?"

Harvey took his time with his answer. "I've considered the possibility."

"You've got it bad."

"Yeah." he admitted softly.

"How's he doing?" Donna changed the subject slightly.

Harvey was grateful for this. "He's... I want to say better, but it's only by a little. He _acts_ like he's better, but inside... I can tell he's not."

"Sometimes we have to act like we're okay before we can actually be okay, Harvey. Just keep showing him you care. He'll come around."

"I guess. I should go check on him."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Bye." Harvey hung up the phone and proceeded to exit his bedroom. He'd gone to bed about an hour earlier, but found he couldn't sleep. He tried to calm his mind, but ultimately ended up calling Donna. When he made it out to his living room, he was barely surprised to fine Mike sitting on the sofa, awake and staring intently at the floor. He took a seat next to him, startling him out of his trance.

He looked at him in surprise. "You really _do_ check on me."

"You thought I was lying?"

"No, I just... thought you were joking."

Harvey wanted more than anything to get closer to Mike right now. He just wanted to hug him close and squeeze the bad feelings out of him. But he settled for putting an arm around his shoulders and rubbing his arm in a way that could pass as friendly, although just barely. "Can't sleep?"

Mike shook his head. "I haven't tried."

"You're not tired?"

"No, I am. I feel like I could sleep for a hundred years. But I can't seem to get in the mood."

"Is there something on your mind?"

Mike finally looked over at him. "There's a lot on my mind."

"You can talk to me about it, you know. You don't have to, but..."

"But that's just the thing, Harvey. Of all the things I've been thinking about, between my grandmother and work and everything... I just keep thinking about you."

This piqued Harvey's curiosity. "You do?"

"Well... yeah. You've been so helpful and I just feel so ungrateful. And I wonder what's wrong with me. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to feel guilty and sad and..."

At this point Harvey couldn't take it any more. Seeing Mike in so much pain was just horrible for him. So he leaned closer to Mike and wrapped his other arm around him, a feeling of relief washing over him when Mike hugged him back. He could feel him breathing, Mike's head nestled against his chest. He moved one hand to Mike's head, threading his fingers through his hair. He didn't care how intimate their position appeared, all he wanted to do was comfort Mike, and as long as he wasn't being pushed away, he would do whatever it took. "You have to feel these things. Even though you're not guilty of anything, everyone goes through this when they're grieving. You just need to feel it and not hold it back. If you try to cover it up and hide it away it's only going to get worse."

"But I don't like these feelings. I don't want to burden anyone with my issues."

"Can't you see by now that nothing about you is a burden to me?"

Mike took a couple shallow breaths, the warm air seeping through Harvey's shirt as it ghosted across his chest. "Can I tell you something?"

"You don't have to ask me that every time you want to say something. You can just say it, I always want to know what you're thinking."

"Really?"

"Really," Harvey answered cautiously. He didn't want to make Mike uncomfortable, but it was becoming harder and harder to hold back the truth about just how deeply he cared for him.

"I... I'm kind of... excited to go back to work with you tomorrow. I mean... I'm still sad... and I still don't feel like I belong there, or anywhere for that matter... but maybe this will help me. Being around you... makes me feel just a little bit less alone."

"I'm glad to hear I'm helping," Harvey said, trying to keep his voice even. But the truth was that this made him so happy he could almost feel himself trembling. "Are you feeling tired yet?"

"A little," Mike admitted, the vibrations of his voice making Harvey shiver.

Harvey laid back on the sofa, keeping Mike against him as they laid together. "Do you want to talk some more?"

"No. I just want to sleep."

"Okay. Then go to sleep."

"Don't you need to go back to your bed?" Mike asked sleepily.

"No," Harvey said, playing with Mike's hair some more. "I'm fine right here."


	12. The Hardest Thing

**A/N: Happy Thursday :D**

Chapter 12 - The Hardest Thing (Posted 17 November 2011)

Harvey woke up the next morning to the sound of his cell phone alarm. He reached back, picking it up off the end table and dismissed the alarm, allowing himself to fully awaken and take in his surroundings.

First he noticed the weight on top of him, realizing it must be from the mass he held in his arms. Looking closer, he discovered it was Mike, still asleep despite the blaring alarm that had just sounded. He was breathing quietly, and his body was warm wherever they were touching, even through clothes. Harvey could feel Mike's heart beating against him and that right there was enough to make him think he was dreaming.

But he remembered last night, how he just hadn't been able to contain himself once Mike started to break down again. He couldn't believe how comfortable he felt like this. It was a rare occurrence for him to fall asleep on his sofa; he had a perfectly good bed, after all. But with Mike's arms at his sides and his head lying in the middle of his chest, he just couldn't be upset.

He watched him for a while. They had plenty of time before they had to be at work. He didn't know when he'd have this opportunity again, so he wasn't going to waste it. He let his hands drift up and down Mike's back a few times, telling himself he was just trying to make him more comfortable, but it was really because he just liked being able to touch him like this.

"Mike," he said semi-quietly when it was time to get him up.

Mike stirred a bit, letting out a soft grunt, saying he wasn't ready to be awakened.

Harvey chuckled. "Mike, it's time to wake up. You don't want to be late your first day back at work, do you?"

Mike whispered a sigh before tiredly admitting, "No, I don't."

"Then you have to get up. Come on, I'll make you breakfast while you go take a shower."

Mike lifted his head, resting his chin on Harvey's chest and opened his eyes. And he smiled. A real, shining, content smile. Harvey was speechless. This caused Mike to frown, his face overcome with doubt. "What?"

Harvey didn't know what to do or say. He was paralyzed. But he had to say _something_. "You smiled."

"Am I not allowed to smile?"

"No, you're definitely allowed. I just haven't seen you do it in a while."

"It's not easy lately. But..."

"But?"

"You're making it easier," Mike said quietly before getting up and heading to the bathroom.

They spent the rest of the morning in silence, eating breakfast together before Harvey went to get his shower. They rode to work, still not saying anything. It wasn't exactly an awkward silence, just a comfortable one.

X

"Wow," Mike said, seeing the smallish desk in Harvey's office. It was off to the side, perpendicular to Harvey's own desk, so they could simply turn their heads slightly to see each other. "You really meant it."

"Meant what?"

"Having another desk put in your office for me."

"Of course I meant it," he answered, sitting at his desk.

"Harvey... I'm sorry you feel like you have to babysit me..."

"I'm not babysitting you, Mike, that would imply a chore."

Mike sat at his new chair, noting how much more comfortable than his ild one. "You don't see it as a chore?"

Harvey looked up. "No. I don't."

"Then what do you see it as?"

"Getting to see for myself that you're okay. I _like_ watching out for you. Even if you don't believe me, it's still true.

"Maybe," Mike conceded, looking down at the file folders that were setting in a neat little pile on his desk. He picked the top one up, reviewing it without needing any instruction.

They worked for a while, one occasionally saying something about a particular case. They were both a little surprised at how easy it was to fall back into their old ways. Then again, it didn't really surprise them at all. A few people came by to welcome Mike back. Rachel and Donna being the first, of course. Even Harold and a few other associates who hadn't been completely terrible to Mike stopped by. Mike felt a little confused, he really didn't think

"Mike, I've got a meeting with a client. And he's not really a... people person, so you can't come along."

"Okay."

"It's not that I don't want you too..."

"Harvey, it's okay, I understand."

Harvey nodded. "Alright. Donna's going to keep an eye on you. Just stay in here, okay? Don't go wandering off. I've told her to call me right away if you even think about leaving this office..."

"Relax. I'm not going anywhere. I probably won't even get out of this chair until you're back."

Harvey didn't look convinced. But he had to go. "You promise you'll stay right here?"

"Geez, Harvey, I said I wouldn't go anywhere."

"Right. I'm sorry, I know I'm treating you like a child but I just don't want you to get hurt. And I feel like if I'm not here to personally keep you out of trouble..."

"Harvey, I promise I'll stay in the office."

Harvey nodded again. "Thank you. I'll see you when I get back."

Mike gave a little mock salute as Harvey left. He didn't know why he'd promised that so easily. It's not like he actually thought Harvey gave a rat's ass about what happened to him. Then he felt a familiar sensation, telling him he had to go to the bathroom. He was about to stand up when he remembered he wasn't allowed to leave the office. Surely this one thing could be excused?

He stood and walked to the door. "Donna?"

She turned around in her chair. "What do you need, Mike?"

"I just... um... I have to go to the bathroom..."

"Okay." She stood. "Come on."

"You're coming with me?" Mike asked, a little embarrassed at the thought.

"I'm escorting you to the easy-access bathroom on the first floor," she told him as they walked.

"Why?"

"Because that's what Harvey told me to do. He was afraid you might get into trouble or try to escape. And since he's not here to go with you..."

"I get it, I get it."

X

Harvey returned just a little over an hour later. He wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but he was walking at a quicker pace than usual on his way back to his office. He only gave a breath of relief when he saw Mike was still at his desk.

"Donna?" Harvey asked, the underlying question left unvoiced.

"He got up to use the bathroom," she told him. "Other than that, he was a good little boy."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"Hey." Harvey greeted Mike.

Mike looked up from whatever document he had been scanning. "Hi."

"I heard you behaved."

"I did." Mike fidgeted.

Harvey suspected something was off but didn't see anything wrong, and since Donna had given her stamp of approval he just chalked it up to his constant worrying for Mike. He reclaimed his seat and was about to begin working when he saw something out of the corner of his eye.

A speck of red making a trail down to the tip of Mike's thumb.

He felt himself go cold. He stood up abruptly and rushed over to Mike's desk, grabbing his elbow and ushering him out of the office.

"Hey!" Mike protested, trying to shake Harvey off. But Harvey was holding his arm too tightly. "What are you doing?"

Harvey didn't answer, just led him to an empty office, one without glass walls. He shut the door and faced Mike. "Roll up your sleeves."

"What?"

"I said roll up your sleeves. Now, Mike." But Mike didn't obey, just stood there looking scared and confused. And as much as Harvey didn't want to use force on Mike, this was something he couldn't overlook. So he grabbed Mike's arms and pushed the sleeves up himself, revealing three deep cuts crisscrossing over each of his wrists.

"Harvey, I..."

"God, Mike, what did you do to yourself?"

"I... I don't know, okay? I just... I went to the bathroom and I got curious. I opened the drawer under the sink and there was a razor, and I... I'm sorry, Harvey. I tried to stop the bleeding, honest, I did. I didn't think they'd open up again... You've got blood all over yourself..."

"You think that's what I'm upset about? That you got blood on me? Mike... I'm upset because you're hurt. I can't stand it. Especially when you're doing it to yourself."

"It didn't hurt when I did it though. It... it felt good." his voice was so small he wasn't sure if Harvey even heard him.

"Does it hurt now?"

Mike shrugged. "It stings a little."

"Don't lie to me." Harvey demanded, but it sounded more like begging.

Mike hung his head with a choking sob. "It hurts, Harvey."

Harvey pulled out his cellphone, pressing a single button. "Donna? I need the first-aid kit from my desk. No, he's... just bring the kit, please. The unoccupied office, the small one. Thanks."

"You have a first-aid kit?" Mike asked quietly.

"Yeah. I just got it. I expected you to fall down a few times or something, I didn't think we'd break it in like this."

"I'm sorry."

Harvey opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by someone knocking on the door. He let go of Mike and cracked the door open slightly, peeking out. It was Donna with a white plastic case in her hands. "Thank you, Donna."

"Harvey, what's..."

Harvey shook his head at her. "I know you're concerned, but I'm taking care of it."

Donna nodded, remembering what Harvey said about needing Mike to trust him. "Okay." She handed him the box. "Mike," she said through the door although she couldn't see him, "I don't know what's wrong, but I hope you're okay." With that she walked away.

This surprised Mike, knowing Donna would normally want to know what was happening. "Is Donna okay?"

Harvey was confused by the question. "How can you worry about someone else when your wrists are bleeding like that?"

Mike just shrugged.

"She's worried about you, Mike. She doesn't want you to be in pain."

Mike actually laughed a little. "She acts like she's my mom or something."

Harvey set the kit on the desk in the office, opening the latches and throwing back the lid. "I think she feels like it, to be honest."

"What?" Mike said with wide eyes.

"I said I think she feels like your mom. She does care about you, you know, and she makes such a big fuss about you all the time."

"That's weird."

"Is it?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Come on, sit down over here so I can fix you."

Mike went over and sat on the desk, allowing Harvey to clean and bandage his cuts. "Thanks," he said when they were all done.

"Yeah. I don't think any of them were deep enough to need stitches. But I'm going to check on them every now and then, and if they're still bleeding like this tomorrow, I'm gonna have to take you to get them sewn up."

"But Harvey... if I go to a doctor... they'll know what I did... What if they want to send me to a counselor or something?"

"At this point, I think a counselor might be a good idea," Harvey admitted.

"But..."

"Don't 'but' me, Mike. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me see that? To see you bleeding and... Listen to me. As much as I want to be enough to heal you, I'm starting to think you need more. I don't _want_ you to have to see a professional. I've already failed you more than enough, Mike, I don't want to do it again. But if that's what it takes to get you to stop... I'll do it. I mean it, one more stunt like this and I'll drive you to a therapist myself if I have to."

"Harvey..."

"Don't. Don't say anything. Just... go get something to eat, okay? After bleeding like that you're going to need something in your system. Here." He handed Mike a bank card and told him his PIN number. "Use that. And don't argue with me. Oh, and before you go, go to my office and change into the shirt from my extra suit. It'll be a little big and mismatched, but with your jacket over it you should look okay. I can't have you walking around the office all bloody. And tell Donna to bring me the rest of the suit."

Mike just nodded and left, leaving Harvey alone in the little office.

Another knock sounded a few minutes later. "Come in, Donna." He didn't even have to look to know who it was.

Donna opened the door and closed it again after she entered. "I have Rachel keeping an eye on him."

"Thanks."

"Are you okay?" She handed him the parts of his extra suit that Mike had told her to bring.

"No. I'm not." He turned to face her.

"Oh my god!" she said, seeing his blood covered suit. "What happened?"

He shook his head. "I can't tell you. But it was bad, Donna. I swear, that was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I've seen worse on other people, but... if I ever have to see him like that again I think it might kill me."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Caring is one thing, this... this is more than I can handle. How do people do this?"

"Do what?"

"How can anyone stand to watch this happen to someone they..." Harvey suddenly cut himself off.

Donna looked surprised at first, but then put a hand on Harvey's shoulder. "It's okay to say it, you know. There's nothing wrong with how you feel."

"I can't. Not yet. The first time I say it, I want it to be to him."

She nodded understandingly. "You should probably tell him soon, Harvey. It might be what he needs to hear."

"I'm not ready yet. And neither is he. He's still too... broken. Despite everything, I think he's doing a little bit better, but I still think my feelings might be too much for him. I don't want to take any chances, Donna. The last thing I need is to send him running away from me."

"What makes you think he'll run away?"

"He's not..."

"Gay?" Donna finished for him. "So, neither are you. And honestly, have you taken notice to how... flirty you guys are? I mean really, the whole office suspects something's going on. Especially now that you're sharing an office and you came in together."

"People think we're together?"

"Honestly, you claim to be so observant, but you miss the most obvious things."

"I wonder if he noticed it."

"Maybe. But you two have always seemed... close. Really, everyone's used to it by now. They probably won't even blink if you really get together."

Harvey took a deep breath. "Thanks." Just talking was enough to calm him down. Not by much, but he still appreciated it.

Donna nodded. "Don't mention it. I'll leave so you can get changed." She left the office.

Harvey changed his jacket and pants. His suit didn't match anymore, but he'd just have to deal with it. He bundled up his bloodied clothes and carried them as he made his way back to his own office.

"I'll take those." Donna said, sticking her arms out for the clothes. She got a plastic bag out from a desk drawer and stuffed them inside, tying the bag shut. "There. Mike is still out with Rachel. Oh, and before you get all possessive, she told me she's not making a move on him, she just wants to be a good friend and be there for him."

"I'm not possessive."

"Yeah, and the pope doesn't wear a silly hat. Just go back in your office. they'll be back soon."


	13. I Thought Of You

**A/N: All I have to say is that I'm sorry I'm not very good at this... This story would probably be ten times better if someone else was writing it.**

Chapter 13 - I Thought Of You (Posted 27 November 2011)

Harvey was growing more impatient by the second as he waited for Mike and Rachel to return. It lessened a bit when he saw Rachel approaching his office, but kicked into overdrive when he saw the worried look on her face and that there was no one behind her.

He stood and rushed out of his office, meeting her at Donna's desk.

"Where's Mike?"

"...I don't know," she admitted guiltily. "I'm so sorry... one minute he was next to me and then the next... he was gone. I looked everywhere for him..."

"You _lost_him?" Harvey was furious. Not at her, although he was upset that she didn't keep a closer eye on him. And not even really at Mike, even though the boy had promised he wouldn't pull anymore stunts. He was angry at himself for not protecting him like he should have, for being too weak to stay by his side.

"I didn't mean to..." It was obvious she was distraught, as she tried desperately to hide her tears. "I didn't think he would run from me."

"Call the cops." Harvey instructs.

Donna shakes her head, "They can't help us until he's been missing for forty eight hours, Harvey, you know that."

"He's only been gone for about twenty minutes," Rachel told them.

"We have to do _something._" Harvey insisted.

"You go," Donna told him, "I'll take care of everything here. Just go look for him. Find him, okay?"

"I'll help," Rachel offered, "we can cover more ground working together."

Harvey nodded his thanks and booked out of the building in search of Mike.

X

He'd looked all over the city, checking all the nondescript shops and cafés Mike may have ducked into. No luck.

It started to get dark, and after a few updates from Rachel via text, they still hadn't found him.

That is, until he passed a very familiar street.

X

The cemetery was a dull place. Barren headstones sat crumbling atop the browned grass, with little flowers attempting to provide bursts of color, though they were few and far between.

But through the drab darkness, there was one thing shining a warm light throughout the place. Harvey found it sitting in the grass, staring at a cluster of grave markers.

Harvey walked up to him slowly. He knew Mike could hear him, he knew he wasn't going to run. Not right now. But he also didn't want to spook him.

He sat down next to Mike. "How long have you been here?"

Mike didn't hesitate with his answer. "Since I left Rachel at the restaurant."

"I would have brought you here if you asked me to."

"I know."

"So why'd you run?"

"I couldn't wait. I just wanted to see them." Mike took a breath before pointing to each of the simply but elegantly carved stones. "My mom and dad are there. And Gramps is there, next to Gram's ashes. I've got aunts and uncles around here too. Great grandparents. My entire family, in the ground."

"Still trying to join them?" Harvey asked lowly.

Mike nodded slowly. "I was. I got here and talked to them for a bit. Wishing this would all just be over. There's a lake over that way," Mike pointed ahead of them, to where a giant pool of water glittered as the wind rippled across it. "I went over to it... and started wondering where I could get some cinderblocks..."

Harvey felt the need to interrupt him. He didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to picture Mike, trapped under water, his instinctual will to breath slowly killing him. But Mike needed to say it. So he needed to listen.

"But then... all of a sudden... I didn't want it anymore."

The relief and happiness Harvey felt at this statement was unlike any other he'd ever experienced. But he didn't want to get his hopes up just yet. "What made you change your mind?"

"You."

"Me? But I wasn't here."

"I know you weren't. That's why I came here, to get away from you for just a second. To see if I could be as okay on my own as I am when I'm with you. I'm not, by the way, but I'm better than I was."

"That still doesn't explain how I changed your mind."

"I was... thinking about all the things I would miss. And of course you were the first thing to enter my mind. There were other things, though. Work, Rachel, Donna, red bull."

Harvey gave a sad chuckle. "That's it?"

Mike shook his head. "No. After that... I wondered if anyone was looking for me. Again, I thought of you. It made me... it made me want to rush back to you and show you that I didn't do anything stupid... because I knew you'd be worried about me."

"I was terrified, Mike."

"I know, and I'm sorry." Mike scooted closer to Harvey and laid his head on his shoulder. A feeling of peace came over him as Harvey wrapped an arm around him. "I didn't mean to worry you. But you have to understand that, up until that point, I didn't believe you cared about me."

"But you do now?"

"Yeah."

"I'm very happy to hear that," Harvey said. And he was.

"And I know you said that if I tried anything again... you'd make me get help, but I didn't go through with it, Harvey. I couldn't... not when I thought about you. I don't want it anymore. I don't need therapy or medication to make it through this. I just need you."

"Okay. If you're sure... but any signs of a relapse..."

"I'll go willingly, I promise."

"Can I get that in writing?"

Mike laughed. "I want to go home."

Harvey nodded, wondering why it felt so good to hear Mike refer to his condo as 'home'. "Alright," he said. "But I have to do something first." He stood, sticking his hands down to help Mike up and keeping one hand locked around one of Mike's as he led him out of the cemetery. He took them across the street, where a row of houses stood. He took Mike's face in his hands and stared into his wide eyes. It took a few seconds for him to work up the courage to follow through and lightly touch his lips to Mike's, moving them only when Mike hesitantly started to respond. It lasted only a few seconds, but that was all he needed. He pulled away, seeing the shocked face he'd anticipated Mike to wear. "Come on," he pulled him back toward the car, "we have a lot to talk about."


	14. What To Say

Chapter 14 - What To Say (Posted 1 December 2011)

Mike sat silently in the passenger's seat as Harvey drove them back to his condo. That's not to say his mind was quiet, though. He did think Harvey cared about him. Why would he do all he's done for someone he didn't care about? But that kiss... why would he kiss him?

Once they were inside, he sat down across from Harvey and waited for him to say something.

"Mike..." he finally said after a long stretch of quiet. "I'm sorry... about the kiss. I didn't mean to but I just... I couldn't wait anymore..."

"Wait?"

"You finally believe I care about you. But I don't know if you understand... how much."

"If that kiss is anything to go by, I think I can guess." Mike said.

"I know I shouldn't have-"

"Harvey," Mike moved closer, nervously reaching out and taking Harvey's hand, "you don't have to apologize. The kiss... it was nice. Nice enough that... I wouldn't mind if you tried it again."

"Are you sure?" Harvey asked, slightly surprised.

Mike nodded, bringing his face closer to Harvey's. "I'm sure."

Harvey slowly pushed forward to kiss Mike's lips again. He felt Mike squeeze his hand as their lips moved together. This time, when he pulled back, Mike didn't look surprised. He looked happy.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay. But I think... before we do anything else, you need to tell me exactly how much you care about me."

"It's complicated."

"I think I can follow."

Harvey nodded, pulling Mike against him. "I've already told you how much I've changed because of you. And even though it was scary and I tried to hide it... I liked it. It felt good to help people when I cared about them. And it didn't take me very long to see that out of all the people I come into contact with, you're the one I care about the most. And I started to realize that it wasn't just a mentor kind of thing, and soon it wasn't even a friendship thing. I knew what I was feeling but... I didn't know what to do about it."

"You couldn't talk to me about it?"

Harvey shook his head. "No. What would you have said? The biggest jerk on the planet pulls you aside and tells you he's developed feelings for you? You would have thought it was a joke."

Mike bit his lip. Harvey wasn't all wrong. "So why didn't you just try to be nicer?"

"Because... I thought it would be better if you didn't know. You can do better than an old man like me."

Mike chuckled. "You're only a few years older than me."

"But you know what I mean. I'm not exactly the ideal romantic partner, Mike. Why do you think I sleep around? I know it looks like everyone wants me, but to me it was a matter of finding anyone who would have me. Because I just... could never get it right."

"So you just gave up."

"Yeah. I gave up. But then... when I heard about your grandmother... I didn't know what to do. My first instinct was to try and do whatever you needed, but for some reason it just came out exactly the opposite. And I regretted it... but I thought it wasn't a big deal, that you expected that from me and you'd move on. But when you didn't... I realized I'd made a huge mistake. And I knew there was a good possibility I'd ruined any chance I ever had with you, but I couldn't just let it go. You needed someone, and I needed you, so I decided to try and salvage some kind of friendship with you. I didn't think that would include trying to keep you alive..." Harvey moved a hand up to Mike's face, holding his cheek lightly. "But I did my best. I just wanted to help you. I was willing to do anything to keep you here with me."

"Harvey..." Mike could feel tears waiting just behind his eyes.

"But when I saw you... bleeding like that... I just couldn't take it anymore. I don't mean I didn't want to help you anymore... but I felt like I was failing you. That I'd have to give you up to someone else if I expected it to stop. And after you left... I looked down at my suit and I was just... _covered_ in it, Mike. It wasn't a lot, but it was yours and it wasn't in you so it was too much. That's when I realized that I care about you more than I thought I was capable of."

Mike stared at him. "This kind of caring... does it have specific words?"

Harvey hesitated before looking away and nodding. "Very specific."

"Are you going to say them to me?"

"I don't know."

"Why not?" Mike wondered, turning Harvey back to face him again. "I don't... I can't say I feel exactly the same way, but... what I can say is that it's taken you a long time to regain my trust, but you have it now. And I don't see that changing any time soon. So if you say it, I'll believe you, Harvey. And we can take things from there."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Mike. You only just started trusting me. We shouldn't just jump into a relationship... you even said you're not sure of your feelings."

"I'm sure that I liked kissing you. And I'm sure that I like it when you hold me like this. Isn't that enough for now?"

"It's not that it isn't enough... I just... I've been trying not to hurt you. There's way more potential for that if we-"

"Would you hurt me, Harvey? Really? Now that you've told me how you feel. Mostly, anyway. There aren't anymore secrets between us. I don't think you could hurt me, even by accident. And I won't hurt you anymore. I may not be a hundred percent better but you've given me something to live for and if anyone can make me whole again, it's you."

"That's an awful lot of faith to put in one man."

"You deserve it. And you can handle it. You've been handling it since before you even had it, and that's what makes you different than every other person in my life. They all gave up on me or didn't really do anything that would help in the long run. But if you really think we should wait..."

Harvey locked eyes with Mike. He really didn't know what to do. He knew Mike was still in a fragile state and that the last thing he needed was something serious like a relationship. But the fact of the matter was he _wanted_ it. And Mike was willing to give it a try. So he bent down and kissed Mike on the cheek before wrapping his arms around him tightly. "Any sign that this is putting a strain on you, and it stops."

Mike hugged Harvey back and nodded against him. "Works for me."


	15. I Understand

**A/N: This is the last chapter! Thanks, you guys, for sticking with me this far. I hope you enjoyed it :)**

Chapter 15 - I Understand (Posted 22 December 2011)

Mike woke up to the feeling of warm sunshine on his face and a pair of warm, strong arms around him. He swore he didn't never need a blanket again so long as he had Harvey to hold him like that every night. He took some time to appreciate the feeling of a body pressing against his back, the light breaths ghosting over his neck. It was a feeling he'd never get used to and always cherish.

"Harvey," Mike said quietly. "Are you awake?"

"No." Harvey murmured into Mike's ear.

Mike chuckled. "How long have you been up?"

"A couple minutes."

"Do you want breakfast?"

"Later. I'm comfortable."

"Me too." Mike said, settling against him. "Harvey?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you... can you believe it's been a whole year since we got together?"

"Has it really?"

"Shut up, I know you know it's our anniversary."

Harvey gave a silent laugh against Mike's skin. "I know. Time flies when you're having fun."

"If picking up the pieces of your emotionally disturbed boyfriend is your idea of fun, then yeah, I guess it does."

"That sounds like a pretty accurate description of both of us, really." Harvey reasoned. "We've helped each other through some rough times, Mike. And aside from maybe taking all your pain away, I wouldn't change a thing."

"You think maybe that's why we work so well? Because we understand how the other feels?"

"Isn't that pretty much the basic foundation for any permanent relationship? Being able to look the other person in the eye and say. 'I understand,' and have it be the complete truth?"

"I guess so." Mike smiled. "Do you mean that?"

"Mean what?"

"You said 'permanent relationship.' I mean... I knew we were long term, but I wasn't sure if you..."

Harvey suddenly turned Mike onto his back and pinned him down, kissing him with a mix of sympathy and passion. "Of course I mean it. I love you, and I don't ever want to be with anyone else."

Mike reached up and touched Harvey's chest. "You know, it's still so surreal when you say you love me. I mean... I know you do, but hearing you say it is always like a dream."

"I like saying it if it makes you happy."

"It makes me very happy." Mike smiled. "We can do this, right? We're not breaking any cosmic rules by being happy together, are we? Because you know how my life goes, Harvey, and..."

"Hey, I made you a promise. I promised you that I'd take care of you and do my best to make you happy. I'm nothing if not a man of my word. I will _never_ let anything take you away from me. And if you're ever unhappy, I'll do anything to reverse it. And I know you'd do the same for me, so to answer your questions, yes we can do this, and no we're not breaking any rules. One, because I want you and I always get what I want, and two, because there aren't any rules in love except the ones you make yourself."

"And we're the masters of loopholes so even those rules can't stop us." Mike joked.

"Exactly."

"I love you, Harvey."

Harvey gave him another short kiss. "I love you too."

Mike smiled. Harvey had made a point of telling Mike he loved him at least once a day since the first time he said it. And while it wasn't exactly rare for him to say it more than once, Mike still enjoyed it when it happened. "So, do you want breakfast now?"

"Mmm, only if we can have breakfast in bed."

"But the whole point of breakfast in bed is not having to get up. One of us will have to get out of bed and actually make it."

Harvey shook his head, diving in for yet another, rougher kiss. "Not if we have each other for breakfast."


End file.
